From the Draft...very old post unfair!!

The worst thing about guys and career options is that there are always too many good ones to choose from, and ones which appeal to you the most are the least attractive to your parents!!

Life is unfair to me, or I guess I am unfair to life. Most of the times I don’t know what I want, and at those times life gives me pleasant surprises and everything makes me happy. And when I know what I want, I might get things but they don’t make me/everyone happy, and I end up letting go of those very things I once wanted the most!

i read these lines somewhere and was inspired by it.......

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

was she in LOVE??

finally m writing what i was thinking from so long

She was not talking one of her very good friend. She was hurted. This pain was familiar to her. It was same as she had when she did not talked to her Best Friend.

That time she was heart broken, shattered, missing him all the time and now she was missing her.

The difference is when she did not talked to her Best Friend who was a guy, her friend said that she is in Love with him that is why she is heart broken. But she was feeling the same for her another very good friend.

She was confused. She was trying to find out the answer" Was it Love?"

Finally she concluded that Yes it was LOVE. It was Love of Best Friends. A Girl and a Boy can be best friends too. There is not always a need of having committed relationship. And friends do love each other very much. They can do anything for their friends. They do miss them badly in their absence and feel hurt after having fight.

Again a question popped into her mind " Then What actually Love is ? And When and How will I realize that 'Yes, I am really In LOVE and He is the person of my choice ?' "

Relationship...

in ur lifetime, ur a part of many relationships.. whether it's with ur mom, dad, siblings, cousins, friends or that significant other. for every relationship to be successful, both sides have to compromise a little... but what happens when only 1 side is expected to compromise and not the other?

i guess this is how people become very distant from each other .. or their relationships just end slowly. expecting a lot from one side and nothing from the other just seems so .. unfair. but then again, people do say.. life is unfair! but why do relationships have to be unfair? when u love some1, why can't u give them something back while ur expectations are so great. why can't the RULES for the relationships be fair for both sides? if one has to compromise, the other should do it too.. ritee? ok so mayb this won't work in every relationship.. cuz every relationship is different. ur relationships with ur parents would b different from ur relationship with ur siblings.. both require love but they both have a different set of rules.

what im talkin about is the relationship with that significant other... the special person.. the loved one.. that totally-handsome-tall-dark-dude from the romantic comedies that girls dream of.. that knight in the shinning armor... the one who would treat u like ur all they see and no1 else. these kinds of relationships require some compromise, some understanding and most of all, TRUST!

rules for both side should b the same.. and one shouldn't expect too much from the other. my understanding of these kinds of relationships isn't so vast but i do know that without some expectations, same rules, compromise, understanding and trust .. these relationships tend to not last very long.

oh another thing, some people in relationships tend to be VERY controlling.. which obviously isn't a good thing, cuz its like.. we have a life of our own, yes ur a part of it, yes we love u, but we do have a brain and we do know how to use it. we have our own choices to make which we can make all by ourselves.. u can give us ur opinion on things but u can't control every single day of our life!

ok so lets not 4get the good side. he does love u, he is there when u need him, he is an important part of ur life and u do love him a lot. he gives u his time, he cares for u a lot. lends his shoulder when u need it, yes he does have ego problems but he does eventually get over it. he wipes ur tears, hugs u when u need it, tells u ur beautiful when ur a mess and he does appreciate that ur a part of his life.

so in my understanding, every relationship is unique in its own way.. yes, they all have tiny problems but then u do get tremendous amount of love in return [hopefully]... well, through my observation, in the end i do come to a conclusion which goes something like this ..

can't live with them, can't live without them!

Dreams.......

I look around me…

There’s a man who never had a dream, circumstances made him look like a beggar and not a chooser, he took up what came his way, made it his dream to succeed in it and he did. He says he’s happy today!

Then there’s this girl, who wanted to be a doctor, parents, money, luck- pushed her into software, she smelled green ink, n stayed there!! I think she’s happy…she looks like that!!

There’s another one who wanted to teach French but got married and the dream was lost!! I can’t say if she’s happy, I never had d courage to ask!!

Another one left a high paying job to pursue his dream, he found success as well. I am sure he’s happy, I don’t need to ask!

There’s also, a man who has all d prestigious degrees in the country. But his marriage fell apart after 20 long years and two kids. Is there any meaning to his success?? I wonder what his dream really was!

And then there’s a girl who realized she never really wanted what she dreamt of all this while after having worked hard enough to make it true!

There are so many of them around me, most of them happy with what they have. Some think they couldn’t have gotten any better, the others just tell themselves they could have been worse and they should rather be thankful than crib!

Its amazing how so many of them never really had a dream!! And those who did, compromised on them for comforts! A handful of them fought only to realize later this isn’t what they really wanted. Some of them are still fighting, the rest are searching for new dreams.

I’m thinking, what are dreams for?? To fall back on when nothing else falls in place or to make sure they come true??

May be dreams are there to tell us that happiness is a choice we make, it doesn’t come as a result of certain dreams which come true, but with a decision, which we take to make sure we live well.

m back :))

finally ...after so many months m back to blogging :)..its been so long i havent written anything...now am realizing its always best to give words to your thoughts

RaNdOm

I care not so much what I am to others as what I am to myself. I will be rich by myself, and not by borrowing. ~Michel de Montaigne

Once someone, a stranger said so about me...

u r open...but still very sensitive kinda animal....
ur world is sooo small but plenty of space is vacant...available....
u no ur worth but till date not able to en cash it or one can say...didnt get wat u deserve...
very few ppl can understan u
u r too vulnerable...
u wanna do somethin tat normal persn cannt think of...but problm is u also dont no wat u wanna do..
tats y u r talking wit urself...observng urself...incase u vl get ne clue or hint abt u..
u r ONE BIG QUESTION MARK nt fo others also fo urself...
n u r tryin to solve dis puzzle..wit da help of urself(only)....but...
task is huge....n u r so small fo it...u need someone....
wit whom u can share everythin.....but again....
u r missing tat someone desperately....
u r too ahead tan material life..ur needs r much greater tan tis.....
but dont wory..
if ur intentions r strong...whtever dey r(u said u dnt no yet)...u vl reach der....
ur journey is on..n u r miles ahead tan others..
Trust me.

love matters ???

Sometimes when I see around,looking at my friends,cousins and other unknown youngsters of my age,I am often intrigued. each of them has an all together different woe to share.I find them lonely, even amidst a hoard of friends,family and teachers. Though,these innocent young minds are still standing at the thresholds of manhood/womanhood,yet all of them have already had their share of grown-up experiences.Even within the tender age group of 16-21,all of them have already "loved and lost" atleast once in their lives,to say the least!

The fragility of human relationships gives a serious jolt to my innocent dispositions every now and then.Its just so disgusting. Isn't it?

Well,I am certainly not against the whole circle of loving and being loved. Love is undeniably,the most beautiful relationship that anyone can ever get into.But what makes me surprised,is the misinterpretation concerning love,rampant among the young hearts.

Love is not just a "Boyfriend-girlfriend" relationship! (By the way,the entire notion behind the bf-gf concept among todays's youth is ample enough to send a shiver down Adam-Eve's hearts!)

Love doesn't gives the license to play with your lover's heart,emotions and life. Its certainly not just about sending perennial text messgaes to your so-called soulmate or, constantly buzzing him/her esp at the odd hours of the day.Its not about exchanging roses and love-letters,and keeping fake Karwachauths(yes,FAKE!!!) in lieu of getting expensive gifts in return from your so-called hubby-to-be. Its even more disgusting to see some foolish girls breaking the sanctity of this esteemed custom,without even knowing a speck about its essence.I believe,its no less than a sacrilage!

Love is not about roaming hand in hand along the lake-side,just to exhibit a public display of your love.Its not about going for shopping together,expecting your lover to reimburse your extravagent bills.Its certainly not about checking out the fancy restraunts together, and then skimming through their fancy menu cards to lay hands on the most pocket-friendly platter.Its not about going on long drives playing ear-blasting music(in open jeeps,fancy cars) disrupting the traffic by rash driving.

My question is,Do we really need love at this stage of life.?
Is it even required?
Is it right to go through the trauma of heartbreaks and breakups, at the very onset of teenage?
By doing so,aren't we demeaning the sanctity of love?

Well,my answer to this would be,Yes. We certainly are depriving love of its natural charm and poise! It is really easy getting hooked with someone,but its inexplicably tougher to carry forward the relationship with a balanced amount of grace and dignity.In today's fast moving world,its not tough 'finding love',there are so many hungry hearts around ,yearning for love.But isn't it unfair,to get involved with someone,just for the sake of it?

How can you push yourself to love just about anyone or anybody who comes your comes your way? For what?
Just to please your peers,or your so-called 'deserted soul',or,just to showcase yourself as an eye-candy for others?

What makes life more tragic are,the abrupt decisions that we youngsters take in order to get rid of these relationships! No wonder,'break-ups' are the talk of the day.We find it so easy to put an end to these once-so-precious (now-not-so-precious) relationships,without even realising the consequences.Do we? Don't we?
I am sorry,if my write-up causes displeasure to any of you reading this.I wrote this,keeping in mind a veri special friend, who is having a hard time,dealing with her 'break-up'.

Dearie,don't loose hope.If He is the 'one',the 'One' meant for you, he would eventually come back or,rather you would give him a chance to prove his mettle.For the time being,let life take the best decision for both of you.Stop fretting over it!

Its neither your Loss,nor his Gain!

As I said earlier,Time is the most potent healer in the entire Kayenaat.Give your relationship some time.Just let time slip by.Eventually,it would bring out the answers to all your queries!
Let destiny and time weave their magic in your life!

Gone are the days............

Here's the email that I wanted to be on my blog, to remind me once a while about these things -

Those were the days,
WhenThe school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desksand benches!
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new booksand notes!
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet
managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.
We learnt writing withslates and pencils, and
Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!
When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to
Color pencils and finally sketch pens!When we started calculating
first with tables and then with
Clarke's tables and advanced to
Calculators and computers!
When we chased one another in the
corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms
Drenched in sweat!When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,Playgrounds,
under the trees and even in cycle sheds!
When all the colors in the world,
Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table,
Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!
When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,
And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!
When few played 'kabadi' and 'Kho-Kho' in scorching sun,
While others simply played'book cricket' in the Confines of classroom!
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!
When few rushed at 2:15 to'Conquer' window seats in our School bus!
While few others had 'Big Fun', 'peppermint' ,'kulfi', ' milk ice !' and 'sharbat !' at 4o Clock!
Gone are the days
Of Sports Day,and the annual School Day ,And the one-month long preparations for them.
Gone are the days
Of the stressful Quarterly,Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
And the most enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days
Of tenth and twelfth standards, when
We Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!
We learnt,We enjoyed,We played,We won,We lost,We laughed,We cried,We fought,We thought.With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more!
Gone are the days
When we usedto talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don't have time to say a `Hi'!
Gone are the days
When we played games on the road!Now weCode on the road with laptop!
Gone are the days
When we saw stars Shining at Night!
Now we see stars when our code doesn't Work!
Gone are the days
When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms.....!
Gone are the days
Where westudied just to pass!
Now we study to save our job!
Gone are the days
Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the atm as well as credit card but with an empty heart!
!Gone are the days
Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don't shout even at home
Gone are the days
Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all... like the one I'm doing now....!
!Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and
Ever and ever and ever
.....Gone are the Days.... But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE ,DONT FORGET TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL EXISTS...... ....

true!!!

Here is something I have always believed in but could never put into the right words! And then came across this poem, which does absolute justice to my thoughts and it’s got to be here:-

The good you find in others, is in you too.
The faults you find in others are your faults as well.
After all, to recognize something you must know it.

The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well.
The beauty you see around you is your beauty.
The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you the person you are.

To change your world, you must change yourself.
To blame and complain will only make matters worse.
Whatever you care about, is your responsibility.
What you see in others shows you yourself.

See the best in others, and you will be your best.
Give to others, and you give to yourself.
Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful.
Admire creativity, and you will be creative.

Love, and you will be loved.
Seek to understand, and you will be understood.
Listen, and your voice will be heard.
Teach, and you will learn.

Sometimes I wish I could meet all those people who made me go “MEE TOOO” in all that they wrote!

so called friends ...........

I always thot frnds wr sumone whom u told everything bout urself.With whom u shared every little detail of ur lyf however small n unimportant.So wat will u do wen dis so called frnd tell your secrets to eveyone.....do trusting a frnd is of no use.....
Well i dunno whr m goin wrng.weder other ppl hv diff definition of frndship.May be ppl are not trustworthy to tell them nything.But den why be my frnd.get lost i dont need ur fake frndship.I'll be widout frnds rather than having one who doesnt cares enough to tell my secrets to others.I dont want frnds with him i cant share my thougts as they will tell those to someone else. I dont need u guys.
I wud better be alone than be wid u.
I still dont understand how can sumbody be so insensitive or is it just the thinking ki "why d hell m telling these to someone else how does it even matter if she knws or nt."but it really hurts when u know someone has done that
I dont knw whr m wrng in picking up frnds.Are frnds lyk dis only???
M so angry ryt nw actually nt angry may be sad...n ya m crying too..n its nt coz she is publising my life but its coz the thinking behind it.the feeling of being nothing to someone wen they means so much.I dont want to give so much imp to sumone to whom i dont even exist.
I guess dat wt frnds r fr to make u feel depressed but wait a min i thot dey wr fr d opppsite thing i.e.to cheer u up wen u r sad.
OH! I see nw whr m wrng.I guess i read all d wrng books heard all d wrng stories n knw xactly a diff meaning of frnship.I guess sumone told me dat earlier.
But nw dat i knw wt real frnship is i dont want it.
I want to be alone.....................
just leave me alone in my imginary world whr frndship means wt i think it means.......

wish i was a kid again!!!!!

Well, how many times have you not heard this line from friends or just people around you . So its natural that even i get this thoughts some time or the other. Before you start thinking that i am becoming a lil bit nostalgic about the good old days, let me tell you the real reason why i have been getting this thought more now then ever before . Today i was watching some news channel and there was this article about today’s young children and how they are so very “different” from the the past generation. And what caught my attention nearly made me jump out of my seat . There was this family being interviewed and they had a 11 year old daughter who believe it or not has a cell phone . Then the reporter asked the mother whether her cell phone was costlier or her daughters. The mother laughed it off and told that her cell phone was “old” (It was about 6 months old ) whereas her daughter has some latest sony ericsson model which cost the family a cool 20,000 bucks or so . She even said that “aaj kal ke bacche kahan 8000-9000 ke cell phone mein khush rehte hai” Well, this “bachha” who is blogging rite nw has a cell phone that is a year old .

This really made me think. Is it that the children are becoming more demanding or itz the parents who dont want their children being left out in this race to see that their child is no less then the next child. i never got any pocket money as did most of my friends. We were supposed to ask when we needed anything . Whereas that girl got a weekly pocket money of 500 bucks . I mean what in the world does a 11-12 year old have to do with 500 bucks a week??? Makes me think that are the children today more street smart or were the children of my generation just too innocent (and dumb )

Doesnt a child’s growing up years which is supposed to be full of innocence, lost when he has things like play stations, video games, PC’s to play. Does anyone in this generation know what it is to play with the ghoda gaadis, hide and seek, dolls ??? Am i just 2 old in my thinking or are today’s children just plain lucky then what we were???? Well, whatever the case maybe it just makes me think “Wish I was a kid again……”

thank you :)

this is a thankyou.
For coming to my life,
For making memories,
For always being there.
I've had many friends,
although few this special.
But there was never ever
any competition.
It isn't the secrets we share
but the way we care,
That holds us dear.
I know it isn't easy to trust,
to let go,
but we are only insecure with
people we do not know.
I can tell u my fears
with no second thought.
Coz u always make me feel better,
You always help me out.
It sometimes is so bad,
that the world
just doesn't understand.
Thankyoufor being there.
I know i can come to you whenever
I need youYou left me alone
when I needed the space
When I spoke,
You listened to me.
Not just pretended to hear,
like the others.
There were fights along the way,
not many though.
Coz we both know life is too good
The goofy way we spend our time,
I loved every second of it-
the sleep overs,
the comic book recipes,
the pillow fights,
the phone calls were fun.
I hope you realize
how much you're worth.
You mean so much to me.
"Idiot, I missed you,
You will be so dead
If u don't come over tomorrow
I have so much crap to share"
You know these words mean the same.
I dream of a day,
Many years down the line,
When we grow old,
When we do lame(it wil be cool then)things together.
Like complain in depth
about our joint aches
weird stuff like that(I can't guess right now)The memories will keep us together
Till the endNo doubt.I don't know what the future holds
if we wil stay together or not
How stuff will turn out.But whatever happens
Just remember
this good old friend of yours.
I will be there for youForever
and ever more.

unfair!!

The worst thing about guys and career options is that there are always too many good ones to choose from, and ones which appeal to you the most are the least attractive to your parents!!

Life is unfair to me, or I guess I am unfair to life. Most of the times I don’t know what I want, and at those times life gives me pleasant surprises and everything makes me happy. And when I know what I want, I might get things but they don’t make me/everyone happy, and I end up letting go of those very things I once wanted the most!

i read these lines somewhere ..and these words gave me support !!!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

i cry!!!!!

Every time I'm left alone I cry. I've become a cry-baby.
I guess I'm kinda glad it hasn't become a daily thing, but that's only cause I'm not alone everyday. A distraction is good, it's necessary. And the worst part is: time won't heal it.. it's the fact that, as time passes by, I'm going to feel like crying even more.
And it's not like I'm sad, it's just that I miss too many things: I miss people, I miss objects, I miss foods, I miss sounds, I miss feelings, I miss.. the little things and the big things.
It's like the worst feeling in the world, the missing will never stop.. unless it's replaced by something new.
What is the opposite of two?

A lonely me, a lonely you. ~Richard Wilbur

bluff life!!

this post is dedicated to a very special friend...don't knw if she needs it or not...but it is something i really want her to know!this one comes straight from the heart...just for her!
i love to watch movies....n bluffmaster is one of my favourites....n many a times ive seen the whole movie over n over just for one particular scene...which goes like this...abhishek bachchan(roy in d movie) gets to know that hez gonna die in another 3 months by his doctor-boman irani...he is shaken...for obvious reasons!
boman tells him a few things...which apart from givin abhishek a lesson in d movie...taught me a lesson of a lifetime too!dis is wat it was...
boman- "roy tumhe pata hai jab main chota tha...mere babuji mujhe cycle chalana sikhate the....wo cycle ko peeche se pakadte the aur mujhe bolte the chala beta....main bolta tha nahin babuji....main gir jaunga...wo bolte nahin beta tu chala...maine tujhe pakda hua hai...aur main chalta gaya...aur thodi der baad maine peeche mud kar dekha...to babuji nahin the....wo dur khade haath hila rahe the...aur roy main cycle chalana seekh gaya tha!!aaj meri ek beti hai....aur maine bhi use isi tarah cycle chalana sikhaya tha...wo bolti rahi...papa mat chodna aur main bolta raha haan beta....tu chala maine tujhe pakda hua hai....main bhagta raha aur ekdum se maine use chod dia....wo fir bhi chalati gai...aur jab usne mud k dekha...main door khada hath hila raha tha...wo cycle chalana seekh gai thi roy!!
mujhe wo sab din yaad hain....meri degree ka din...meri pehli naukri....meri pehli salary....jab meri shadi hui....jis din meri beti paida hui...shez d most prettiest grl on earth roy....jab usne pehli baar mujhe papa keh kar pukara...uska school ka pehla din....college ka pehla din....yahi sab din the jo meri zindagi ko zindagi banate hain!roy tum batao...tumhari umar kitni hai?
abhishek: " 30 saal doc"
boman: "30 saal me aise kitne din the jo tumhari zindagi ko zindagi banate hain??wo school ka pehla din...coll ka pehla din...tumhari pehli girlfriend...ur first kiss....jab tumhe pehli baar pyar hua....tumhari pehli naukri....pehli salary.....batao roy aise kitne din the??10...20...30!30 saal ki zindagi me bas 30 din!!!wahi 30 din tumhari zindagi ko zindagi banate hain!aur ab tumhare paas 90 din bache hain....tum chaho to inhe rote rote guzaar sakte ho....ya fir in 90 dino mein...tum 3 zindagian ji sakte ho!!"

isn't it awesome....made me want to live a 100 lives in one!u too can bluff life...cheat on it....by still livin it to d fullest...even if it din't giv u much to dance about!u can mould it d way u want to!n i hope you will!

.........

i was scanning my college days photographs ......i started recalling my initial days of college .first year of engineering. life was so different at that time . memories of ragging, engineering drawing ,civil practicals,group task,hostel life ,bad food ,new friends,crushes,at the same time there was something which i dont want to recall and once the college gets over i was happy that somethings will come to an end
this blog is about a friend of mine ...who has been one of my good friends then changed to be the best friend of mine, then eventually into a not so very good pal and finally ending with a very bad note.Yes, my once best friend turned foe in these four years . Thats what has been my college life. no matter how much I tried covering up. this was the truth that we are not friends now and what left between us is the silence.
i was happy that there wont be anymore confrontations, no more uncomfortable glares, no more negative vibes. It has finally come to an end. I wonder how in such a short span of time, a good friendship can brittle into insignificant pieces of distrust and hate. I wonder how two people, who at one point of time were the best they could understand each other suddenly turn the worst enemies one can deal with. is this so called friendship a farce?
No. and Im pretty confident about it since I have people, who have stood against me through thick and thin. then what is it that almost blurred my college life.

I realised that may be this is what we call as living alternate lives. May be my sour friendship was ment to be sour no matter how much I try and safegaurd it. Certainly at that time i was incapable of judging whats good and whats bad for me, but what I do feel as years passby that they defintly have the capability to mend broken relations. which I badly failed. All those unanswered questions still remain unanswered. because at no condition neither he nor I would be in a condition to reason them. in that way guess goodbye is the only way sometimes!

It has been long that Iv dreamt, how good it would have been if we could still pull each others leg and joke about each others tantrums, how good it would have been if still we could have argued over nonsensical discussions regarding why girls are better than boys, how good it wud have been if we both cud have had that anti soda and discussing life, how good it wud have been if we both cud have just talked!
As said somethings are better left forgotten, I hope someday I would fathom what is that one mistake that bridge two people so far that they never can face each other. so that in future I would never leave myself with unanswered questions. so that I would never lose on all those who someday meant to me more than anything.

All those memories of us together ....... are just memories. and how I still wonder that whether I should cherish that golden past or live this hurt felt present!

" hope you reach for the stars" we scribbled on to some piece of paper when we both were best of buddies.

As yesterday, even today I hope the same for him.

in the loop

Ever since i became weird i remember i kept on entangling myself in "the loop".
the question is why?
and the answer is more simpler..
Iv been trying to get everything and anything that life offered me....nd my desires knew no bounds.
one after the other i kept on getting deeper and deeper inside "the loop"

sometimes letting people know that Im not actually what they think of me...

Sometimes holding on to past so badly that few special moments which "every sane person" would call special, dont fly by..

Sometimes just waiting to happen something good....

and one after the other i got deeper n deeper n deeper.

And now after whole 5 years I have an opinion about this feeling which im sure many share...

Cut the Loop, Break Free!

Stop waiting for life to happen, make life happen.
Stop wait to let people understand, Give a Damn.
Stop living the "past", live the "present".

In short know that to "you", till you die, "you" will remain the most important person to yourself. with ofcourse exception to all those people you refer as "close"

A Loop has no end, One has to cut the chord and live beyond boundaries.



Choose, before others leave no option for you!

memories......

am feeling slightly blue this morning. missing a friend of mine who's gone away to, well, a 'place of no return'. hehehe. by that i mean the big U.S. of A. most people are lying when they say that they'll come back from the US. because most people can't come back from 'the land of opportunity'. especially back to a country like india, where u have to fight for every bit of ur share of ur rights.

this friend was a really good friend of mine. don't know if i can call him one of my closest friends so let's leave it at that, a really good friend. i used to get along so brilliantly with him. he was the person with whom i used to talk about the silliest things in the world. miss all the crazy conversations we used to have. maybe its just me but i got the feeling that he sort of drifted away a little bit right before he left. don't know whether it was concious or..i don't know....it doesn't even matter.

i remember feeling quite disoriented for a period of time right before college. everything was different. things weren't in my control anymore. life was, in a sense, 'spiralling out of control'. that sounds terribly melodramatic, but that was the way i felt then.

i don't feel the same any longer. but things are different. i'm no longer in that coccoon of security i was in a couple of months back. college is screwing me bad(partially my fault coz i'm not studying), and my friends arent with me anymore(i'm talking strictly in the phyiscal sense, that they arent around everyday).

yeah i know i know this is a phase. i'm gonna make friends in collge, i'll get used to studying blah blah blah. but it won't be the same. its like stepping into someone else's life, and starting again from scratch. and that is the part which is the most discomfitting. the fact that my life till two months back will have no connection whatsoever with my new life. and also terribly sad.

these are not just books........mah life

As i was packing my bags for going to hostel...dere were numerous thoughts dat crossed my mind with d speed of light- Friends, home,ti ,poha jalebi.,sgsits, Books, Notes, Collection of Movies, reliance to reliance free calling,cat preparation,test preparation,dance parties ,and d list is just endless..i cn go on n on

Finally i decided to take all my books along...i m a bit posessive about dem...i may never ever read dem again, bt i love my books...yeah dats strange...bt i do.The books i m referring to here were mostly d ones which had seen light only during late nite sessions of study during exam time when dey had to suffer being put in all ackward positions and sometimes i even slept on them.That ws d tym wen i n everyone else wanted to get rid of books asap...waiting despratley for exams to end so dat dey could be bidden farewell and we all could njoy d party!

But realising dat their time is over and i may not need dese books nemore makes me emotional about dem to an extent dat i carry many of them frm indore to nagpur n dats quite an exercise, dat 2 a tough one!!! They remind me of the times wen these particular books had significance...D time i cooked up every excuse to stay away from a particular book or how i could not get a single word wt ws written in it until d last day of d exam or how i managed to complete an assignment...all copy-paste done from d book!
Just as i managed to pack all my books in a big large bag,which was already as heavy as my heart since it was time to finally leave indore....i found one of my notebooks staring at me from behind the pile of books. It was noticible, coz notebooks r the rarer species dese days...All d books and photocopied notes from other books, e-boooks and of course God Google r more noticible and notebooks r becoming extinct...Dere diminishing numbers day by day forced me to grab d one i had just seen, n open it to examine its contents. It was d latest one i had, wid 5th sem engineering on it below my Good name...Nostalgia returned as soon as i saw dose words...memories and more memories...and i thought i dare not open it for d fear of my eyes already feeling wet.

But i m nt much afraid of tears and i allow dem to flow freely. Overcoming d initial reluctance, i opened it. It had five partitions for 5 subjects,200 pages in all. I had tried to take down notes during classes during the initial days of the semster,,, but as d 1st two weeks were coming to an end...dis notebook had turned into a more of a fun resource during boring lectures...All it had was comments about other people's hair styles and dress,some latest gossip tit bits, comments on how boring dis lecture was...dat i could teach better dan wt d lecturer was doing, queries about how much time was left,,,or some imp pieces of info dat had to be delivered to shikha dis very moment coz i could nt wait for d class to end...
Dat unimportant notebook i used during d 5th sem suddenly was something i wanted so badly to take wid me...it had so many strings of memories attached to it...it had taken me back memory lane as soon as i saw d cover page..n wt effect when i flipped through the pages...day to day events were unfolding behind my eyes as i turned the pages...dat sound of flipping the pages was a familiar one...even it had a musical effect to my ears now and to my amusement it was naratting my own story !!!

Finally i managed to squeeze it into my already overloaded bag...and here it is right now,,,,lying on my lap...reminding me of d good ol days...

best friends......

People Always Leave” … “But sometimes they come back”.


I am not sure if they do. We had been best friends for about 10 years. Our relationship was marked by the best of greeting cards and friendship bands on friendship day (I remember she used to keep aside the best one for me :)), unending phone calls talking about just everything possible; regular messages; constant giggles in the classroom; birthday nights and outings spent together. There was probably no reason we could fight over. My thinking matched hers. We were very much similar…sharing the same set of emotional ups and downs. I always thought the phrase ‘Friends For Life’ was meant for us.

That was for 1o years.
Today our relationship is almost lost. Our thoughts and principles do not match. An ego is there between our friendship.No more outings. No more cards. We hardly exchange text messages. And even if we do, they are just the forwarded ones. Once in a while I get these messages from her that leave me wondering if that particular message is intended to make me feel guilty.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
I am not sure if I would ever agree with this statement.
Does it mean a friend has to support your moves even when you are going the wrong way?

A friend is one who brings out the best in you, not the one who blindly gives you the nod at everything you do. I dint walk out of her world though. i just want her best but she dont want to understand me...

Despite everything, I still have that soft corner for her and will always have for shez best friend of mine. I just hope it doesn’t turn out to be one of those out of sight, out of mind relationships. i am waiting one day she will come back........................