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i was scanning my college days photographs ......i started recalling my initial days of college .first year of engineering. life was so different at that time . memories of ragging, engineering drawing ,civil practicals,group task,hostel life ,bad food ,new friends,crushes,at the same time there was something which i dont want to recall and once the college gets over i was happy that somethings will come to an end
this blog is about a friend of mine ...who has been one of my good friends then changed to be the best friend of mine, then eventually into a not so very good pal and finally ending with a very bad note.Yes, my once best friend turned foe in these four years . Thats what has been my college life. no matter how much I tried covering up. this was the truth that we are not friends now and what left between us is the silence.
i was happy that there wont be anymore confrontations, no more uncomfortable glares, no more negative vibes. It has finally come to an end. I wonder how in such a short span of time, a good friendship can brittle into insignificant pieces of distrust and hate. I wonder how two people, who at one point of time were the best they could understand each other suddenly turn the worst enemies one can deal with. is this so called friendship a farce?
No. and Im pretty confident about it since I have people, who have stood against me through thick and thin. then what is it that almost blurred my college life.

I realised that may be this is what we call as living alternate lives. May be my sour friendship was ment to be sour no matter how much I try and safegaurd it. Certainly at that time i was incapable of judging whats good and whats bad for me, but what I do feel as years passby that they defintly have the capability to mend broken relations. which I badly failed. All those unanswered questions still remain unanswered. because at no condition neither he nor I would be in a condition to reason them. in that way guess goodbye is the only way sometimes!

It has been long that Iv dreamt, how good it would have been if we could still pull each others leg and joke about each others tantrums, how good it would have been if still we could have argued over nonsensical discussions regarding why girls are better than boys, how good it wud have been if we both cud have had that anti soda and discussing life, how good it wud have been if we both cud have just talked!
As said somethings are better left forgotten, I hope someday I would fathom what is that one mistake that bridge two people so far that they never can face each other. so that in future I would never leave myself with unanswered questions. so that I would never lose on all those who someday meant to me more than anything.

All those memories of us together ....... are just memories. and how I still wonder that whether I should cherish that golden past or live this hurt felt present!

" hope you reach for the stars" we scribbled on to some piece of paper when we both were best of buddies.

As yesterday, even today I hope the same for him.

in the loop

Ever since i became weird i remember i kept on entangling myself in "the loop".
the question is why?
and the answer is more simpler..
Iv been trying to get everything and anything that life offered me....nd my desires knew no bounds.
one after the other i kept on getting deeper and deeper inside "the loop"

sometimes letting people know that Im not actually what they think of me...

Sometimes holding on to past so badly that few special moments which "every sane person" would call special, dont fly by..

Sometimes just waiting to happen something good....

and one after the other i got deeper n deeper n deeper.

And now after whole 5 years I have an opinion about this feeling which im sure many share...

Cut the Loop, Break Free!

Stop waiting for life to happen, make life happen.
Stop wait to let people understand, Give a Damn.
Stop living the "past", live the "present".

In short know that to "you", till you die, "you" will remain the most important person to yourself. with ofcourse exception to all those people you refer as "close"

A Loop has no end, One has to cut the chord and live beyond boundaries.



Choose, before others leave no option for you!

memories......

am feeling slightly blue this morning. missing a friend of mine who's gone away to, well, a 'place of no return'. hehehe. by that i mean the big U.S. of A. most people are lying when they say that they'll come back from the US. because most people can't come back from 'the land of opportunity'. especially back to a country like india, where u have to fight for every bit of ur share of ur rights.

this friend was a really good friend of mine. don't know if i can call him one of my closest friends so let's leave it at that, a really good friend. i used to get along so brilliantly with him. he was the person with whom i used to talk about the silliest things in the world. miss all the crazy conversations we used to have. maybe its just me but i got the feeling that he sort of drifted away a little bit right before he left. don't know whether it was concious or..i don't know....it doesn't even matter.

i remember feeling quite disoriented for a period of time right before college. everything was different. things weren't in my control anymore. life was, in a sense, 'spiralling out of control'. that sounds terribly melodramatic, but that was the way i felt then.

i don't feel the same any longer. but things are different. i'm no longer in that coccoon of security i was in a couple of months back. college is screwing me bad(partially my fault coz i'm not studying), and my friends arent with me anymore(i'm talking strictly in the phyiscal sense, that they arent around everyday).

yeah i know i know this is a phase. i'm gonna make friends in collge, i'll get used to studying blah blah blah. but it won't be the same. its like stepping into someone else's life, and starting again from scratch. and that is the part which is the most discomfitting. the fact that my life till two months back will have no connection whatsoever with my new life. and also terribly sad.